In case you missed it, there was another incident of sportive sabotage in the New Forest the weekend before last.

Can you guess what the centrepiece was? Bet you can't. It was drawing pins on the road. Oh, the originality! The imagination! The sparkling wit! Surely the invention of a special mind, one so incisive that it could see through the ‘entertainment' front of all those Road Runner cartoons and realise they were an anarchist documentary.

This kind of thing makes me want to bang my head on a desk in despair of humanity. In the whole history of cycling sabotage, tacks on the road account for approximately 100 per cent of incidents. I'm quite certain that every single perpetrator thought it was a bit of innovative brilliance, from the 1905 Tour de France (125kg of nails between Paris and Nancy on stage one) to the Etape Caledonia (twice) and back to the Tour last year, via every prick in-between.

If only the saboteurs knew a tenth of the truth of even an unadulterated road. The grit, the flints, the potholes that can swallow a wheel, the ruts that can snatch your bike from below you.

The van drivers whose whole hate-filled psyche rests on a hair trigger of rage, or the golden-retriever-brained lorry drivers who assume that as soon as they can no longer see something it has ceased to exist. If they knew about these things, they would realise that mere drawing pins will shrivel under our contempt.I want to start a campaign for better sabotage.

A sort of ‘Change Sabotage Now.' I want to see fresh thinking, and new forms of disruption, ones that treat us with more respect as opposition.The objective of the saboteurs is simple. They want to stop cyclists. How best to accomplish this?



Let us think for a moment about the psychology of a bike rider. There are any number of stunts that stop them more effectively than a puncture.

Bradley tricked
The most obvious quick and easy starting point would be a large sign by the roadside that says, ‘Bradley Wiggins signing copies of his new book here today, 50 per cent discount.' An arrow points up a farm track. At the end of the track, a small tent, and a notice saying, ‘Please queue this way - Brad will be here very soon!' The thought of meeting Wiggins, combined with a chance to save money, will keep most riders standing placidly in a field all day.

Any cyclist who slips through that net because they don't care for personal interactions and love spending can quite certainly be halted in their tracks by a second sign a little further on that says, ‘Test ride the new Cervélo P6 here today.'

If they want to chase bike riders clear out of the county, though, something more dramatic is needed. Humiliation is the currency here. The most painful humiliation for a cyclist is being bested by a faster rider. It's worse if the faster rider isn't ‘one of us', that's to say, someone wearing proper shoes. It's worst of all if it's a local youth on a crappy mountain bike, especially one with a bit of repartee about him.

If the New Forest commoners really want to see the back of us, there are any number of unemployed former pro-team medical staff available who can help them with a doping programme for anyone under 16 found hanging around a bus shelter of an evening. EPO for aerobic speed, testosterone for aggression, and maybe some cognitive-enhancement drugs to help sharpen up the dismal quality of most youths' badinage.

As a side benefit, the Mothers' Union will be delighted that people have stopped stealing the drawing pins off their notice board in the local village hall. Even if they still hate bike riders on sight.

Acts of cycling stupidity

Several years ago I did a four-up team time trial. I hate team time trials. This one was as hateful as any other, with the added stress that after about a mile I noticed that the quick-release on one of my team-mates' back wheels was not done up. The lever was flapping about over every bump. The wheel might fall out at any moment.

The others, apart from him, noticed it too. We exchanged concerned glances. And in an attempt to preserve ourselves, we started to cut into third position in the string when we changed, rather than go to the back. Afterwards the man with the open quick-release laughed at our concern, and explained that the lever had broken the previous day and he'd had to modify it to close with a spanner instead. "Mind you," he said, "maybe there's something more to it. That was the easiest race I've ever done."

Cycling greats Alfredo Binda (1902-1986)

Alfredo Binda is probably the greatest cyclist you've never heard of, unless you're Italian. In Italy he's still a star, 90 years on. In a spectacular career spanning the 1920s and early 30s, he was professional world champion three times (including the first ever championship), and won both Milan-San Remo and the Tour of Lombardy on multiple occasions.

He was an excellent time triallist, a superlative climber, and held world records for 10, 20 and 50km on the track. The only thing missing from his palmarès was the World Hour record, though it wasn't for want of trying.

He won the Giro d'Italia five times, collecting 41 stages along the way, and was so dominant that in 1930 the organisers paid him 22,000 lira, the equivalent of the first prize to stay away as far as possible from their race to give someone else a chance.



On the other hand, the Tour de France, in the same year, paid him its first ever appearance fee, something he only admitted in 1980. He rode a handful of stages, of which he won two, trousered his fee, and went home.

As if all that wasn't irritating enough, he was handsome, charismatic, and massively popular. He's an excellent answer to the pub question, ‘Who's the greatest of all time?' because firstly everyone will have to listen respectfully while you tell them about him, and secondly, he quite probably was.

This article was first published in the April 25 issue of Cycling Weekly. Read Cycling Weekly magazine on the day of release where ever you are in the world International digital edition, UK digital edition. And if you like us, rate us!

A slight revision to my previous blog post ; ‘Cycling For Dummies' does exist, I am reliably informed. My apologies to the authors for doubting its existence! In fact, I feel like I could do with a copy of the book myself at the moment. Even with three Grand Tours under my belt, I still have so much to learn about the sport and its history. This was patently obvious to me on Sunday during the team time trial, something I have never properly seen before.

It's cycling's equivalent of Marmite apparently, with the love/hate/love split amongst the fans and teams. I think that following the performance of Bradley and his lieutenants on Sunday, Team Sky may just be firmly in the ‘love' camp. Famed for their acute attention to detail, the ‘TTT' is all about working as a team to ensure the best group time.

The lead rider provides shelter to his supporting group, and they rotate at the front to try and maintain a constant high speed. (Similar to the Olympic track event, the team pursuit). Once again, Bradley (a former gold medalist in the team pursuit) showed us all his class - performing turns on the front of the group that the commentators described as ‘enormous'. The other lasting impression is that bike racers are strong.

Really, really, strong. People think that ‘ironman' races must be the toughest sport, but try doing it for three weeks in a row. There are very few sports that come close. Extreme marathon running, maybe.

I'm going off topic (again) - anyway, the Team Sky boys put in such a huge effort that they were rewarded by winning the ‘Maglia Rosa' (pink jersey) - the legendary leader's jersey and the one that Bradley and the team are giving everything to win. It was on the young Italian shoulders of Salvatore Puccio that the jersey fell thanks to his position from stage one, and he'll remember that for the rest of his life. I wasn't joking when I said last week that the Giro is the biggest race in the world for Italians, bar none.

I am now also being reminded just how much work goes into running the on-race team as a smooth operation. The mechanics and I were chatting the other day, and we have unanimously decided that professional cycling is probably the least logistically friendly sport in the world. Let's just say that stadiums do a lot to ease the life of those involved in sport. Grand Tours, like the Giro, require levels of organisation that are utterly mind boggling - more about this next week when we move up towards the mountains and everything gets even more complex.

I think it's that difficult lifestyle that means bike riders are often very personable. There's not much room for a prima donna in amongst the huge physical challenges, travel, and long time spent away from home and families. In fact, the most common reaction I've seen when people meet riders for the first time is just how, well, normal they so often are. On Saturday, I walked outside the team hotel and the super-friendly Sergio Henao had stolen some washing fluid and started giving the Jaguar windows a wipe down! Funny how many people want my job, I must admit.

Sergio Henao gets buffing

Follow Martin on Twitter : @teamsky_jaguar

Martin Ayres has worked at Jaguar for over twelve years, and once again joins Team Sky as their performance engineer during the Giro d'Italia, Tour de France and Vuelta á Éspaña in 2013. Having not ridden a bike for over 20 years, Martin is a recent convert to the sport after his experiences with the Team in 2012 - including during their historic winning campaign for the Tour de France.  

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Blog 1: On the road again - Sir Wiggo and La Corsa Rosa

After our recent Surrey Hills Cyclone sportive, riders have condemned the state of the county's roads. Star guest and series sponsor, Chris Boardman was appalled by the seemingly endless succession of potholes and there has been no shortage of criticism from others new to the rough riding delights of the Surrey lanes.

Now the local press have slammed the condition of the county's tarmac after misleading statistics have been published by the council. The Surrey Advertiser has revealed that the council is not taking into account roads that are deteriorating and close to crisis point despite claims that 80 per cent of its highways are in decent condition.

Although officially ‘only' 17 per cent of roads are classified as red, or in critical condition, not all of the remainder are green, or good condition, leaving another 710 miles being classed as amber, or in need of maintenance. That's a grand total of 1,210 miles that needs fixing!

Superficially Surrey's five-year, £100 million road repair plan sounds impressive but it actually means that only just over 300 miles of highway will be refreshed in this time. And there's more bad news in that within five years another 186 miles will have deteriorated to red condition.

In short, these roads are going to get even worse despite a seemingly generous investment. It's time for Surrey to stop fiddling the figures and just get on with fixing the holes.

This article was first published in the May 9 issue of Cycling Weekly. Read Cycling Weekly magazine on the day of release where ever you are in the world International digital edition, UK digital edition. And if you like us, rate us!

What did you do with your bank holiday weekend? I spent mine, along with another seventy or so nutcases, riding repeatedly up the famous Tumble climb in South Wales as part of the Tumble Up 4 Life event.

The challenge is immense - each climb and descent in total is little more than nine miles long but rises over 1500 feet. That means clocking over 22 500 feet of climbing in a 135 mile day if you achieve the maximum fifteen ascents.

The top of the hill saw squally showers through the morning, with a spiteful wind blowing down the valley all day long. Fortunately, the summit of every climb was met with enthusiastic support at race control, which made coming back much easier.

Unsure what to expect, I was surprised when my first three climbs were on schedule for doing all fifteen - but my pace soon dropped. I wouldn't say it was painful, as I was pacing myself to a level that wouldn't spell disaster.

Instead it was more like the "rurr-rurr-rurr" of a slowly dying battery as you try to start the car on a winter morning. Even just grinding my way up, I slowly ran out of legs. It wasn't that they hurt, they just wouldn't turn the pedals anymore. So I had to bale on eight.

Nathan Priest (13 climbs) and Nick Wachter (14) came achingly close to completing the full set, but as has been the case during the previous two events, only one rider was able to sign off the maximum fifteen. For 2013, that rider was Lawrence Gruijters.

Make no mistake, this event is a massive challenge - although the fantastic descent almost makes up for the endless upwards toil of the climb.

If you want to try and add your name to the small number who've completed the challenge, the 2014 event is scheduled for the 3rd of May.

Keep an eye on http://tumbleup4life.wordpress.com/ for details.